


A driver for Mercedes

by CustardCreamies



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 11:49:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8799718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardCreamies/pseuds/CustardCreamies
Summary: Mercedes put a joke advert in Autosport for their driver vacancy. I decided to write a mock covering letter in reply to it.





	

* * *

 

To whom it may concern.   
  
I am interested in the advertisement you placed in the latest issue of Autosport magazine. I believe I have the necessary skills you require for the position of "Race Driver" ...  
  
I am a highly motivated individual who is available for an immediate start. I am willing to re-locate and like the sound of traveling the world with the team. I am familiar with the operation of a race car and I regularly watch and practice my own race starts, so far I have gotten around the first corner cleanly only three times, but there is room for improvement. I have a keen interest in testing and demos and would happily do that for the team. I am also great at events and am fun at parties.   
  
I am highly self motivated and I have a strong desire to do well and make sure we win the World Championship again and make everyone hate us and complain the sport is "boring" I am a strong team player willing to do my best for the team...however I may go astray at times to Ferrari. But I can assure you that my loyalties lie with Mercedes and I only have a casual interest in Ferrari's German driver.   
  
I have a track record and have listed for your approval my skills on track.   
  
**1\. Steering:** I am getting better at turning the car into the corners and staying on track, however I seem to sometimes miss the turn and land either in the gravel trap or in the barriers.   
  
**2\. Braking:** I have to admit I was terrible at braking until I watched Max Verstappen at Monza this year and learnt I have to brake when I see the apex lines in front of me, on tracks such as Abu Dhabi I can usually brake well.   
  
**3\. Acceleration:** I am great at accelerating on the straights, however DRS turns the car into a terrifying monster and I can't defend well with the wing open. I need to stay in one part of the track with the wing open or I will crash into the barriers or spin.   
  
Unfortunately I don't have a Super Licence or in fact any licence at all. I can't drive. I don't know how to drive and the only F1 car I have driven are on the F1 2015/2012 games but I can assure you the skills on track are good....when I'm not racing and only doing a time trial. In fact I'm shit at the game and usually just drive for pleasure whilst drinking some (non-alcoholic) wine after a stressful day at work. But let's be honest, Lewis would love it if his teammate was terrible at driving. He could win the World Championship in peace with no threat from his teammate. So he can stop saying that Nico won the Championship only because his car kept breaking down. You'll be making Lewis happy if you chose me.   
  
For reference this was my last race out on track as Nico in Abu Dhabi. As you can clearly see I've got some "mad skills" on track. <https://www.facebook.com/RoxanneMorton42/posts/207637833014051>  
  
And here's me as Seb in time trial at a wet Brazilian track, please note how I kept the car under control during the spin: <https://www.facebook.com/RoxanneMorton42/posts/203395826771585>  
  
and here's me in Spa: <https://www.facebook.com/RoxanneMorton42/posts/151891045255397>  
  
I think this covers my skills, I can also identify weaknesses in our team and our competitors and play our strengths against them (I.e our car always seems to be the best and all the others are shit) I can also play well with the media and inform them about how great Lewis is and how he's better then any other driver that has come before him. I can also give feedback on the car and will inform you when it becomes a "shit box"   
  
I look forward to your response.   
  
Yours   


CustardCreamies 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment/kudo as always. <3


End file.
